It’s wonderful what 2 days of peace can do for a person. Mere hours of normalcy have my spirit soaring. I, who denies biology its natural claim, suddenly believe Harari’s claim that each human is biologically designed to feel only a certain degree of happiness. My scale, perhaps between 5-8, fluctuates so easily, that it unfairly compares my sky-gliding to getting a new lamp with just the right light dissemination. But it is what it apparently is.
- A few days ago I had a perfect day. The weather was beautiful, with sunlight that illuminates/highlights the world in all the right places while the temperature was winter-like. We watched @udayc movies. There was hot & fresh coffee. Baby R & I were talking across balconies, assuming that the rest of the world was privileged to be subjected to our conversations.
She asked me “where are you going?”
I said, “nowhere, why?”
“Then why are you wearing a new shirt?”
“I felt like” - Since the last 2 days, I have managed to fix my sleep cycle, for I no longer feel the need to stay awake at night to make time for quiet & peace. I restarted my history lessons & found in my brain space to learn 4 new words. Filial. Petulant. Preening. Epistemic. I went to the gym & not because I was forced to. I managed to worry about my upper body strength, while just yesterday I struggled with breathing. I finished a book & read samples to pick the next one. Reading in the light of a lamp until I fall asleep had been a dream. I never need water at night, but I keep a bottle on my bedside table anyway. I have a bedside table. I have been sleeping in my room. MY room; With a bedside lamp & a table to keep my book on, a glass of water & night serum. A night serum sent by someone who cares for me.
- Today we all had lunch together. While we ate, I got up to fetch myself water & walking back I saw mummy, papa & R laughing, trying to exchange items on their plates. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, not moving lest I disturb this fragile moment & admired them. My food got cold.
- I am 2 pegs of whiskey in & willing to open up; Whiskey was given to me by someone who cares for me. I may be a full 8 happy today.