I made a resolution at the start of this year that is safe to be revealed now because I still remember it and I have stuck to it, for most parts anyway. I had resolved to never feel desperation. And if I do, to stop, take a step back and wait for at least 15 minutes before acting on it.
I made this resolution after I stood in a line at a Bollywood movie ticket counter in Amravati for 20 minutes, being pushed around for tickets that were sold out before I could get to them. Twice. While I decided to not try a third time, my friends did. I lay in my bed feeling something very close to disgust trying to figure out why people want something/anything so bad. I decided that I never want to feel that way. The aim of doing this was not to seek Nirvana or absolute detachment but to set my priorities straight and stick to them. While I can want, there is a line to “wanting” that I must never cross.
A few popular movies were missed, some cocktail parties ditched and hundreds of calls remained unmade owing to this oath. It was not so much of adult-ing that made me stick to it than it was a constant reminder of why I needed to do it. I have seen people get so attached to their partners that they settle for the wrong ones. I have seen educated, independent, strong women get domestically abused for 6 years before they finally left. I have seen people I love locked in classrooms to study. I saw these fully functioning, autonomous adults let their educational institution snatch-remodel-shove-down-throat their priorities to them. I have heard of people who stay in a classroom, devoid of sleep for days, for a chance at a job for an institute that will treat them the same.
Remember when Milgram and Zimbardo proved to us that situations and structures can strip us of our individual conscience enough that we lose responsibility for our own actions? You might think I have lost my mind but I imagined them both chuckle with me when the comedian on Youtube ended his gig with “We aren’t a species designed to last.”
P.S. I intend on stopping with the social-change kind of posts and going back to cribbing about over-cooked rice and unwashed laundry posts soon.