or ‘Things people are not telling you about kids, so you make more’ a list


  • yelled at a neighbor for not inviting her to his wedding, in the middle of his Mehendi ceremony, from our balcony into their front yard. Yelled. She got herself invited, prettied up, walked over to their house, and got her knee scraped. Then yelled at some children. Now we can never see our neighbors again.
  • called someone who irked her Kutti at the top of her voice. In the park.
  • will ask you to make an elaborate dish, and add sugar to it. She will not eat it.
  • broke my bottle of green nail polish over my sofa.
  • often has to pee so bad that she crosses her legs and freezes. So someone has to pick her up and carry her to the washroom.
  • peed on R’s foot.
  • pissed off a dog and hid behind me.
  • will want to do everything you do: bake, put lipstick on, wear heels.
  • repeats what you say “what you doing, man!?” to dadi.
  • asks you “is that daaru in your glass?” “is that a cigment I smell on you, papa?” in front of the whole fam.
  • poops and doesn’t know how to wash her own ass. So you have to do it.
  • will tell you about the poop.
  • poop will be discussed by her parents, around you
    “Her poop seems hard”
    “Is it also dark? I fed her beetroot”
    “No! now it’s too liquid-y”
    while you eat. Always, while you eat.
  • is asleep when I go for walks, so I have to go again when she is done waking up, washing her face, pooping, eating grapes, and drinking milk.
  • will make you act like a sick person while she prods and pokes you with plastic doctor tools. You will need multiple injections. You will sometimes die.
  • will make you call her teacher/mumma /didi/madam.
  • Filled my lamp, medicine box, coffee mug, curtain holder, cat pillow, a ceramic bell, recipe book of cocktails, napkin, salt and pepper shakers, 3 spoons, 1 fork in a laundry box, and dragged it to picnic ON MY BED. Fell asleep and left without clearing up.
  • came home wearing a necklace made out of a party ribbon and a round pink pendant. It was a piece of chewed chewing gum.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *