I spent the whole day staring at one wall or another. Not in a sad way, just in a “there are too many things I want to do so I can’t do any” way. I tried to sort Kochi photos but ended up admiringly, procrastinatingly looking at the Kathakali dancers’ makeup instead. I would have posted one but I never even transferred them from the memory card. I wanted to write about the 2 new what-feel-like-life-altering realizations I had over the last 17 days, or at least journal my Kochi trip. I have fallen back on my a-drawing-a-day. I wanted to paint but haven’t. I did not read a single page of the 2 novels I am currently in the middle of. And I have definitely not started working on the damned portfolio.
If I were asked for anything to show for today I would have to – present to you a basket of clean underwear, hold up 10 fingers and 6 more to tell you how many meals I had, and reiterate a lovely conversation I had with my cousin, apologize for something I had promised to help M with but couldn’t and give you a detailed account of what happened in dadi’s 8:30 pm Zee Marathi show; all of which sufficiently explains my idea of a fulfilling life. I am happy as long as I am surrounded by people I love, have things to do at hand but no timeline to fulfill, and find something to look back on to assure me I am growing.
So, here is an old photo of me, from a time I find hard to relate to, from which I gained perspective (and apparently you can’t ask for more) for my life now, in the 4 pm sunshine that never failed to bring me joy.