I think drunk me is smart. Not as world-changingly smart as Einstein or Newton but definitely smarter than your average Joe 10 minutes before an exam, concepts shoved in his head like clothes in a suitcase after a vacation- unfolded, mixed with new shopping- the kind you get your sibling to sit on so you can zip it. Drunk P, can call herself P because she can do pet names. Sober P thinks of pet names as honorifics, only allotted to the top priority customers with the best brute lucks & income tax problem-worthy salaries. She has her priorities set straight. She had a passionate discussion about shengdana chutney over text last week.
P loves sad books & notes from them – offline & online – phrases & sentences that crush her soul. She has reread ‘Beloved’ a million times through these phrases now. “..so you protected yourself and loved small. Picked the tiniest stars out of the sky to own; lay down with head twisted in order to see the loved one over the rim of the trench before you slept.”
She wished she could read for a living. She is unrealistic. She sings Prateek Kuhad songs to loved ones when she should be working. Work is easier when P is drunk. She does not overthink sentence structures, tones & moods. She goes with it as if saying that is still cool. She forgives easily and tells people she loves them insistently. To her, the good in humankind is magnified by Photoshop. If you think she is unbearable with Jab We Met dialogues sober, do not meet her when she is drunk. She is unstoppable. She will hum all the Govinda songs she knows & adds some Karishma Kapoor ones to make up for the deficit. She will often, in the middle of this hoarse singing, crossword puzzle solving, or telling a baby R story (again), start crying over routine hardship, falling into toxic relationships, finding nurturing ones scary, and hating to wear heels. She will cross over good wishes for happy couples to go into jealousy & wail. But she is puke trained, and won’t ruin your carpet. She will try to soothe herself if you give her pizza & cheesecake. Do not hug though; her spirit may be willed; her flesh weak.