At the risk of being repetitive, I want to say that I am the least anxious I remember being at a stretch. If it’s the medication, the people, the season, my hormonal cycle, coming in of money, or all of them alining like a once-in-a-100-years cosmic event, I find it hard to say. But I do host a celebratory cupcake party in my head from time to time.
- N and I send each other one beautiful line we read/heard in the day. If we haven’t, we go around our heads and notes to find something beautiful, that way we’ve both read at least two beautiful pieces of text every day.
- I met a nice doctor who hasn’t yet cured Alopecia but she made me feel hopeful and that is much more than I’ve had yet.
- I watched a Marathi movie that moved me in a way you hope to be moved by good literature and media.
- I spoke to an uncle on the train and he told me I am going to be successful in life. His wife added I will be ‘super’ happy. I want to believe them.
- Mummy found my hidden stash of alcohol and was disappointed (only) in its cheapness. “The bottles are plastic, Prachi!”
- Papa mummy made me laugh yesterday, so I would quit acting asleep and have yet another meal.
- Papa mummy, for the first time, took an interest in my painting and encouraged it.
- I got invited to sleep between them for the night after R left for Hyderabad.
- Papa said he is my ‘stepni’ (spare tire).
- I made papa watch my favorite movie. We watched a movie about people waiting on their loved ones in hospitals.
I am binge-watching a mediocre TV show. I realized, only yesterday, after 4 seasons why I like it so much. In it, a family that loses everything comes to live together in a small, inconvenient, sometimes-tiresome place. They fight, joke, and grow closer by communicating. They forgive the mistakes in their childhood, one tiny incident, one half-hour episode at a time, struggle with social expectations, and realize how there are different types of happy. I found mine in consoling my best friend after a bad date, buying trinkets for people I love, living next door to baby R & fighting my parents about alcohol. In this world of realistic and unrealistic expectations, not enough is said about nurturing your spirit.