Many people I know have returned home to their parents to be under quarantine. This is new territory for most & is causing clashes for some. I was right here when 2 years ago I decided to come back home to my parents. I didn’t have a space of my own (I like to imagine a home to be like a plant, it changes according to its space, turns towards the sun, makes the pot bigger, roots & plant become bigger), my space had got encroached upon. We bickered about small & big things, like where the new coffee mugs should go & when I am getting married. What inflates the irritation is the assumption that we will just fit in because we are family/we used to. It’s like trying to fit into your school uniform; Yes, you wore it all the time once; No, it won’t fit comfortably now.
Here are some things to help in this time of cohabitation:
- Avoid ‘hot’ topics, subjects that can cause an argument. Ours were: extended family members, feminism, and finances to mention a few. Instead talk about funny incidents at work/college, something fascinating you read, or a movie. If something causes a bad feeling, on either side, put it on the ‘hot’ topic list.
- Find yourself space. It could be a mattress you put somewhere that you don’t pick up every morning, so you have the option of going back to it. Keep a small tray or table next to it, and put a tumbler of water on it. I like to keep scented candles next to my bed, a lamp, and a book to read. The people for whom this possibility does not exist, I feel you, big hug.
- Find things you can do together. I started watching specific movies with papa. Mummy & I went on long drives. I started learning stitching from dadi.
- Find something you like to do alone. You need this time to foster whatever mental energy you have & build some more. You could pick up a new hobby. I bet there is a tutorial for it on the internet. Have you tried watercolors?
- Be ready to make small compromises. Think ‘does this really matter so much?’ & let some things go. This sounds easier than it is. I gave up putting my clothes in the washing machine. It will make you angry & sad at times; so remember: No feeling is permanent.