Parag’s story
I can’t cook or eat non-vegetarian food at home. So I would have it
Ruchi’s story
I think that people with major depression and suicidal tendencies tend to have that one point in time, that one attempt midst all the attempts where it got too bad cause you had gotten too close. They tend to imagine their life in two parts since then. Having survived that night/phase was a mini-rebirth cause if it was all totally dependent on wish and will, it would have happened, if it was just a tad bit easier, it would have happened. I had my phase too. I had been living in Pune like a dead, hollow body for around a year after that. Following the same routine, driving the same roads, listening to the same songs. No days felt better. I didn’t believe in better days for me. What was going to follow was even worse, I was going to move to my home town where I was going to be surrounded by people who don’t get mental health. Where they’d probably just ask me to be happier. Where there was no freedom (especially for the things [read: substance] that gave you a tad bit of relief.) But like a dead body, I just followed the instructions and came back. Couple of months later, I was okay. And okay is all I ever wanted to be. I had my own people (cousin), who weren’t sure what to do and how to help but they were there anyway, with a car and a bottle of beer. I used to work out every day (even when I didn’t believe in it) because I had their support. Some days, we’d just go out to eat after the workout. We would go to our usual tapri order our usual anda kheema and masala Pav. It was our little routine that brought me back to sanity. That and our own water bottles we’d carry to the tapri. Let’s just say it only looked like water.
My experience cooking, eating and feeding Anda Kheema
- I made Anda Kheema from taste. I retraced the taste back to what are the things that could have formed it and added to it a constraint of availability. I am getting good at reproducing easy recipes. It makes me feel like a whole human.
- Kaka, kaki, babyr came home right when I was clicking this photo. Ravi kaka seems to love participating in this food business. One time he chopped carrots for me. Today he held a flashlight over the food so the chutney could get the footage it deserves. The whole family ate it and could not stop gushing at how nice a simple dish like this could taste.
- I promise what was in the glass only looks like water and was had shadily behind closed doors at night.
Of routines
It was only in the past 2 years that I understood the power of routines. I had seen papa stick to an ardent time table through transfers and hospital changes, but I had failed to understand that it was this waking up, running, exercising, cooking, tv-ing, reading routine that helped him keep his equanimity.
I have tried too, during college, work to make and stick to such a time table. But I guess I kept missing the essence of the idea. I needed grounding, not disciplining. Now, I am trying to find the stable ground between militant routines and the haphazard living of the uprooted. I am experimenting with activities, joys and doing some things for the sake of future P. I am finding in myself a place to plant my feet strongly so a small breeze won’t uproot me.
Some activities that couldn’t become routine: skin care before bed, embroidery to calm anxiety, painting, gardening, playing the harmonica
Things that did: fortnightly calls with my college friends, reading before bed, gardening, drinking coffee in the morning, eating breakfast (something I never did till I turned 27) and capturing the soft 4pm sun on people and things I love.
Recipe
Ingredients
- Eggs – 4
- Tomato – 2 small
- Onion – 1 big
- Garlic – 5/6 cloves
- Coriander
- Green chilli – 2
- red chilli powder – 1-2 tbsp
- Haldi – 1/2 tbs
- Oil – 2 tbsp
Process
- Boil eggs and peel
- Cut the eggs into pieces, about 2 cms long and wide
- Heat oil in a pan. When hot add the cut green chillis and garlic pieces
- When golden brown, add chopped onion and cook till light brown
- Add chilli and haldi powder. Stir for 2 minutes
- Add the eggs, mix and cover for 5-7 minutes
- Garnish with coriander