My therapist says to me “पुढे जायला काय लागतं? एक पाउल ठेवता येइल इतकी जागा” “What does it take to move forward? Space enough for the next step” And I always answer “on good days, maybe.”
This week has had more good days than the last one. I have been doing better generally, without much having changed: work, home, medicine-wise.
The weather has been something to speak of. It has become a beautiful, light-ish, shade of the sunlight. The blooming of green has made up for the gloom of the water-logged clouds. It has become cold enough to use my red woven blanket at night. Cold, I think heals. I am aspiring to take the blue mink blanket out tonight.
This feels like a celebration given how sad rain made me earlier. But yesterday I drove around the city while it drizzled. Drizzled enough to look like rain but not so much to sting my eyes. I recommend listening to ‘Aye Udi Udi’ for such drives. And wearing a raincoat, if it is convenient. I bought myself a raincoat—my first one after school. I managed to start reading a non-fiction book, which too is my first since school, considering Lance Armstrong does not count anymore. I also repaired my phone’s earpiece for cheap(!). Now I can actually hear people when they call. For cheap! Small joys. 500 rupees worth of joys.
And if we are to believe what they say, joy begets joy. So, I am doing more joyous driving in the rain to nowhere, with Prateek Kuhad singing to me, eating out when the light is nice, ordering in when I don’t buy vegetables, and painting a little every night. And popping bubble wrap; which begets unwarranted smiles at bus stops, that begets watercolor ideas under a new lamp and gives me excuses to write about the weather begetting beautiful conversations that give me the courage to do what I must: put one foot in front of the other.